I think this is the third time in a week that my Governor has declared a State of Emergency. Not since the Jamaican bobsled team have I felt that anybody was this ill prepared for winter. It's a lot easier for me to joke around about all the snow/sleet/ice we received, since I never lost power at my house. We were very fortunate. Other people in my neighborhood were unable to make French Toast with all of the bread, milk and eggs they bought at the store before the storm. I made brownies.
It occurred to me that there are people who like snow. It's a novelty for some of them down here, since they're natives. For us (damned) Yankees, it's something we tried to leave behind when we moved here. We chose to live in a state where we can go to a dozen stores and not find a sled or a snow shovel. My claim to have once seen a snowplow is sometimes challenged as if I had said the Loch Ness Monster pulled me around on water skis. It's easy to romanticize something and look forward to it with childlike glee if it's rare. If most of your winter childhood memories involved stocking the cellar with wood, hours of shoveling and wearing bread bags on your feet (to keep feet dry inside wet boots, of course), then watching snow fly in the south probably makes you apoplectic.
Romantic: Look how the sun sparkles from the dusting of snowflakes in my Love's hair! Has she ever been so beautiful?
Cynic: The snow's melting, and cold water is running down the back of my neck. It somehow trickled all the way down to my butt crack, and it's still freezing!
Romantic: The trees look like a Christmas card, all covered in powdery white!
Cynic: Branches snapped and fell on power lines, causing thousands of people to suffer without light or heat for most of the day. A limb crushed my fence!
Romantic: The snow blankets the earth, as though she sleeps, only to burst forth in verdant splendor come Spring!
Cynic: When this crap melts, my lawn will turn into a sloppy mess for a week.
I have to admit, that the light dusting of snow we normally get down here is fun to watch. It rarely accumulates or causes problems. I sometimes manage to clear my whole driveway with only a broom. Even what frozen precipitation we've received over the past few days pales in comparison to what people up north have dealt with this year. So, lest you think I'm needlessly complaining, I do feel lucky to experience these snow storms so rarely. Besides, tornado season starts next week!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Sunday, February 22, 2015
More Thank You's
Recently my publisher gave me a set of interview questions to answer. Some of these will appear in the special edition electronic issue of Nonlocal Science Fiction #1. Most of the others will be used as talking points for an interview on the podcast of 33rd St. Digital Press sometime in the next couple of months.
One of the questions asked who I would specifically like to thank for their contributions toward my story. I didn't want to leave out anybody, so I just thanked all my friends and family who have been very supportive of my dream to write. It's been an ambition of mine for so long that the list would be very extensive. I would undoubtedly forget to include somebody, and I didn't want to do that. I've certainly had my share of rejections and negative criticism over the years, but I've overwhelmingly been supported by the people closest to me. So here are a few of the many I would like to thank, since I feel like I have space enough here to do it.
Thanks, Mom. You've always encouraged my dreams, and this writing thing has been one for as long as I can remember. There have been times when I've been discouraged by setbacks and life's ups and downs over the years, and you have always been there to remind me that I should never give up on something so important to me.
Thanks, Margay. In our dating years, you knew I liked to write and still returned my calls. Despite the amount of time it involves, when I need to be alone to think or jot something down, you understand. When I space out, you never flinch when I say I'm thinking about something I'm writing. Writing is a solitary profession. I couldn't pursue it without your help in taking care of real-life stuff during the hours I'm consumed with fake people living fake lives in the pages of my notebooks.
Thanks, Jonah. Around 30 years ago, you published a small town newspaper using your own printing press. I was honored that you saw fit to publish a couple of my stories. The thrill of seeing my writing in print has not diminished over those years, and you gave me my first break.
Thanks (in no particular order) to Rob, Cliff, Abrar, Anwar, Gaff, Michael, William, Darren, Noah, Brian, Eric and Kurt. All of you, at one point or another, gamed with me over the years. Some of you still do. War Hammer, Star Frontiers, Star Wars, GURPS, Gamma World, Rolemaster, Shadowrun, Vampire, Marvel, D&D, Rifts... We've spent untold hours immersed in adventure together around tables with dice, and those memories have played their parts in many things I've written and will write in the future.
I'll make sure to let you know when the interview goes live on the podcast. Thanks again for reading.
One of the questions asked who I would specifically like to thank for their contributions toward my story. I didn't want to leave out anybody, so I just thanked all my friends and family who have been very supportive of my dream to write. It's been an ambition of mine for so long that the list would be very extensive. I would undoubtedly forget to include somebody, and I didn't want to do that. I've certainly had my share of rejections and negative criticism over the years, but I've overwhelmingly been supported by the people closest to me. So here are a few of the many I would like to thank, since I feel like I have space enough here to do it.
Thanks, Mom. You've always encouraged my dreams, and this writing thing has been one for as long as I can remember. There have been times when I've been discouraged by setbacks and life's ups and downs over the years, and you have always been there to remind me that I should never give up on something so important to me.
Thanks, Margay. In our dating years, you knew I liked to write and still returned my calls. Despite the amount of time it involves, when I need to be alone to think or jot something down, you understand. When I space out, you never flinch when I say I'm thinking about something I'm writing. Writing is a solitary profession. I couldn't pursue it without your help in taking care of real-life stuff during the hours I'm consumed with fake people living fake lives in the pages of my notebooks.
Thanks, Jonah. Around 30 years ago, you published a small town newspaper using your own printing press. I was honored that you saw fit to publish a couple of my stories. The thrill of seeing my writing in print has not diminished over those years, and you gave me my first break.
Thanks (in no particular order) to Rob, Cliff, Abrar, Anwar, Gaff, Michael, William, Darren, Noah, Brian, Eric and Kurt. All of you, at one point or another, gamed with me over the years. Some of you still do. War Hammer, Star Frontiers, Star Wars, GURPS, Gamma World, Rolemaster, Shadowrun, Vampire, Marvel, D&D, Rifts... We've spent untold hours immersed in adventure together around tables with dice, and those memories have played their parts in many things I've written and will write in the future.
I'll make sure to let you know when the interview goes live on the podcast. Thanks again for reading.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Healthy Skepticism: Keeping Your PC and Personal Information Safe
Got a strong password? Check. Utilizing a firewall? Check. Anti-Virus software up to date? Check. Familiar with social engineering tactics? Wait...what?
Social engineering can employ a lot of tactics. They can include somebody digging through your trash to find your bank statement and get your account number. Here I'm primarily discussing running a con. Somebody calls you on the phone and identifies himself as a technical support agent from Microsoft or an anti-virus company, hoping you'll give him remote access to your computer. This allows him to get around your password, and suddenly he has control of your PC. He can log your keystrokes to get your passwords, install malicious software and sometimes talk you into paying to remove said software.
I personally know people who have been victimized by callers impersonating representatives from Microsoft or contractors for Microsoft. Each time, the caller has used a combination of publicly available personal data, technical jargon and high-pressure sales tactics (aggression, fear, urgency) to convince people that their computers are already infected with malware. These victims were then convinced that the callers would help remove these non-existent threats by remotely accessing the victims' computers. Upon accessing the PC, the caller installed fake anti-virus software that "found" malware. The fake anti-virus program allowed the caller to hijack the victim's computer and demand payment to release it. In one case I know of, the victim tried to shutdown his PC but found moving his mouse had no effect. Before he could power off the PC, the caller initiated a process that wiped his hard drive.
These types of attacks are becoming more common and sophisticated. It's especially easy for an unsuspecting person, who is also unfamiliar with these threats, to be fooled. That's how social engineering is best employed. Preying upon those who are less technically savvy is even easier. Where someone bothered by a telemarketer might just hang up the phone, combining fear of computer viruses with sales tactics seems to convince people to remain on the line and even give up control of their computers. It's diabolically evil, in my opinion. What's worse? There's not really anything technical companies can do about it to protect people. This type of attack relies upon people conning other people.
Microsoft will NEVER call you and offer you free technical support. They aren't alerted when there's a problem with your PC or a virus detection made by your anti-virus software. I can't remember the last time Microsoft offered me anything for free, and they're certainly not psychic. Listen to your instincts. Don't trust the sales pitch. Don't give them access. Hang up the phone. You can't put them out of business, but you can protect yourself by cutting off the call. You can also protect other people by spreading the word about these attacks. Let's help each other fight the bad guys.
Social engineering can employ a lot of tactics. They can include somebody digging through your trash to find your bank statement and get your account number. Here I'm primarily discussing running a con. Somebody calls you on the phone and identifies himself as a technical support agent from Microsoft or an anti-virus company, hoping you'll give him remote access to your computer. This allows him to get around your password, and suddenly he has control of your PC. He can log your keystrokes to get your passwords, install malicious software and sometimes talk you into paying to remove said software.
I personally know people who have been victimized by callers impersonating representatives from Microsoft or contractors for Microsoft. Each time, the caller has used a combination of publicly available personal data, technical jargon and high-pressure sales tactics (aggression, fear, urgency) to convince people that their computers are already infected with malware. These victims were then convinced that the callers would help remove these non-existent threats by remotely accessing the victims' computers. Upon accessing the PC, the caller installed fake anti-virus software that "found" malware. The fake anti-virus program allowed the caller to hijack the victim's computer and demand payment to release it. In one case I know of, the victim tried to shutdown his PC but found moving his mouse had no effect. Before he could power off the PC, the caller initiated a process that wiped his hard drive.
These types of attacks are becoming more common and sophisticated. It's especially easy for an unsuspecting person, who is also unfamiliar with these threats, to be fooled. That's how social engineering is best employed. Preying upon those who are less technically savvy is even easier. Where someone bothered by a telemarketer might just hang up the phone, combining fear of computer viruses with sales tactics seems to convince people to remain on the line and even give up control of their computers. It's diabolically evil, in my opinion. What's worse? There's not really anything technical companies can do about it to protect people. This type of attack relies upon people conning other people.
Microsoft will NEVER call you and offer you free technical support. They aren't alerted when there's a problem with your PC or a virus detection made by your anti-virus software. I can't remember the last time Microsoft offered me anything for free, and they're certainly not psychic. Listen to your instincts. Don't trust the sales pitch. Don't give them access. Hang up the phone. You can't put them out of business, but you can protect yourself by cutting off the call. You can also protect other people by spreading the word about these attacks. Let's help each other fight the bad guys.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Nonlocal Science Fiction Kickstarter Met Its Goal!
The Kickstarter has met its goal for the Nonlocal Science Fiction publication! I was assured by the publisher that the first issue would be published even if the funding goal wasn't reached, but it's very encouraging news that enough support could be found to add momentum to this project. So now what? Read on!
The Kickstarter generated enough money to cover the cost of the magnificent cover art by Bioblossom Creative. The company provided the cover art prior to the success of the Kickstarter, which I'm sure helped in the magazine's promotion and persuaded more people to donate. The additional funding will make possible further promotion and the covering of other expenses. Print-on-demand services, provided by CreateSpace, will allow print copies to be available as well. This is a nice surprise, since I wasn't sure there would be an alternative to the PDF format. I've been asked about this by several people, so I'm glad to see they will get tangible pages to flip, earmark and otherwise enjoy.
Additional promotions will include interviews with the authors. The special edition PDF and print editions will include these interviews, and presumably our bio's. We will also be interviewed for the 33rd St. Digital Press podcast. I can't tell you how much cred this earned me with my son, once he found out an interview with me would be available on the almighty Internet. It is pretty exciting, I must confess.
There was also a special bonus payment budgeted for the authors once the Kickstarter succeeded. I plan to put this money, and more that I earn from sales of the first issue, into a website for my writing. My intentions are to publish this blog there, too. I'm concerned with my rights to materials I post on someone else's site, including Google (owner of this site), Yahoo or other platforms. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I feel that once I have a domain name and official website, everything will belong to me unless I explicitly sign it over to somebody else. That's why I made the decision not to publish a writing snippet from my story in this blog. I'll wait until I have a website where I can be confident it will be protected under copyright laws. I would like to make whole stories available for free at some point.
To everybody who contributed to the Kickstarter, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are awesome. This is an investment in a company that I believe to be innovative in its approaches to publishing and developing relationships with authors. I feel very lucky to have found this publisher and, of course, to have a story appearing in the inaugural issue. It's also an investment in my budding writing career which will always need the support of people like you, people who will try something new for the love of a good read. Thanks again.
The Kickstarter generated enough money to cover the cost of the magnificent cover art by Bioblossom Creative. The company provided the cover art prior to the success of the Kickstarter, which I'm sure helped in the magazine's promotion and persuaded more people to donate. The additional funding will make possible further promotion and the covering of other expenses. Print-on-demand services, provided by CreateSpace, will allow print copies to be available as well. This is a nice surprise, since I wasn't sure there would be an alternative to the PDF format. I've been asked about this by several people, so I'm glad to see they will get tangible pages to flip, earmark and otherwise enjoy.
Additional promotions will include interviews with the authors. The special edition PDF and print editions will include these interviews, and presumably our bio's. We will also be interviewed for the 33rd St. Digital Press podcast. I can't tell you how much cred this earned me with my son, once he found out an interview with me would be available on the almighty Internet. It is pretty exciting, I must confess.
There was also a special bonus payment budgeted for the authors once the Kickstarter succeeded. I plan to put this money, and more that I earn from sales of the first issue, into a website for my writing. My intentions are to publish this blog there, too. I'm concerned with my rights to materials I post on someone else's site, including Google (owner of this site), Yahoo or other platforms. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I feel that once I have a domain name and official website, everything will belong to me unless I explicitly sign it over to somebody else. That's why I made the decision not to publish a writing snippet from my story in this blog. I'll wait until I have a website where I can be confident it will be protected under copyright laws. I would like to make whole stories available for free at some point.
To everybody who contributed to the Kickstarter, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You guys are awesome. This is an investment in a company that I believe to be innovative in its approaches to publishing and developing relationships with authors. I feel very lucky to have found this publisher and, of course, to have a story appearing in the inaugural issue. It's also an investment in my budding writing career which will always need the support of people like you, people who will try something new for the love of a good read. Thanks again.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Writing Update
Just a couple of days left in the Nonlocal Science Fiction Kickstarter. For just one dollar, you can get the electronic edition of the first issue and support future issues of the magazine. Please consider donating. If you've already donated, you have my deepest thanks for supporting a project that includes one of my stories, my very first to be published: Catalyst.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/870804010/nonlocal-science-fiction-1?ref=discovery
I've been fairly productive on the writing front this week. I'm continuing work on the outline for my novel. I'm really anxious to start writing it. I find myself imagining it unfolding before my eyes like a movie, and then I remember that I'm driving to work and need to pay attention to the road. I took a break from the outline to begin writing a bit of dialogue between the two main characters, Nichole and Dmitri, on the first night they've had some time alone together. I had hoped to finish it today, but it needs fleshing out. Perhaps it will be done to appropriately post around Valentine's Day.
I finished "The Hzeen", chronologically the first tale about a character named Os, whom I've already featured in another story. There will definitely be at least one more of these stories, and I'm piecing together the plot of the next. Os lives in a post-apocalyptic world, where strange and dangerous creatures abound. The story is about a quest he undertakes with a friend to reclaim objects of vast spiritual importance to their people. Their journey through a barren wasteland is dangerous, but their society prohibits their return until they are successful.
I've started a new story, set far in the future after a zombie plague has decimated human society. It's untitled at this point, since I'm still early in the process. The story features a man and woman competing in a footrace through infested areas. The race is a replacement for war, since human life has become too precious to allow war among living people. The hero and heroine make a shocking discovery that necessitates a difficult choice between their own society and humanity as a whole.
Oh, yeah. I've been writing this blog, too! Thanks for reading.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Dare to Dive into the Malazan Book of the Fallen
In my previous entry, I mentioned that I'm currently reading the eighth book in the "Malazan Book of the Fallen" series, "Toll the Hounds". Even if you like fantasy novels, you may have looked at this series and felt daunted by the density of these books. They're not just long, they are packed with epic awesome, and that can cause some folks, including me, a bit of indigestion. Here are some of the things that I like about them that might persuade you to give them a substantial slot in your reading list. If you're of the old school and like paper, I hope your bookshelf is sturdy, since the whole series may easily weigh 100 pounds.
I love to read about a world that is created with extreme attention to detail and obvious effort. Maybe it's my love of writing and role-playing games, but I think anyone can appreciate the sheer work and creativity Erikson has tapped for his final result. He has created a world populated by a multitude of unique races, cultures and creatures I've never seen duplicated with such detail. There are civilizations built atop those of extinct cultures, and at some point the reader learns something about the present and the past. Foods, clothing, weapons, livestock, languages, wildlife, currencies, academics... you can't ask for a more rich environment to experience. Erikson has mastered the construction of a fantasy world. If this doesn't get you salivating, then this might not be the rabbit hole for you to descend. If it does, leap with abandon!
Erikson's cast of characters must number in the thousands, and I still have more books to read where new folks will likely be introduced. The diversity among them is truly impressive, and none of them seems irrelevant. From the rulers of empires to the lamentable denizens of the urban slums, Erikson uses them all to earn sympathy, generate awe or humanize the face of an army other characters curse with their dying breaths. Between chapters, Erikson includes bits of poetry and scholarly writing from yet other characters. A cast this large can certainly be confusing, and there's not much help from the index. To me, it has been worth the time to seek out online resources for help in keeping them straight.
Magic is often the ingredient that makes or breaks a fantasy novel for me. Sometimes it's difficult for me to explain this to people when I say that magic needs to seem real. How can something magical be real? It needs consistency, rules of a sort. Some authors use very minimal magic, such as the world of "Game of Thrones". Others restrict the use of magic to a tiny group of the most powerful characters and creatures. In the Malazan books, Erikson shows magic used across his multitude of characters, somehow making it still seem awe-inspiring and unique from one situation to the next.
Intrigue abounds in these books. People, from lowly pickpockets to military commanders and scheming politicians, are all working some angle. Many are quick to change sides when it's advantageous. The gods war with each other, many using intricate plots carried out by their mortal worshipers. Mortals even attempt to gain the upper hand and ascend to godhood themselves. It can be a handful to keep track of all the twists and turns. If I'm honest, I probably haven't caught half of it. It seems like the more confused I am, the better the payoff when I find out what's going on. I think it's all part of Erikson's plan. I will probably have to, whew, re-read the whole series to do it justice. He took so much care to write them, the least I can do is commit to fully understanding them.
These books are work of the most enjoyable kind. I wish I had more time to dedicate to them. That said, I think any fan of fantasy should treat themselves to this series.
I love to read about a world that is created with extreme attention to detail and obvious effort. Maybe it's my love of writing and role-playing games, but I think anyone can appreciate the sheer work and creativity Erikson has tapped for his final result. He has created a world populated by a multitude of unique races, cultures and creatures I've never seen duplicated with such detail. There are civilizations built atop those of extinct cultures, and at some point the reader learns something about the present and the past. Foods, clothing, weapons, livestock, languages, wildlife, currencies, academics... you can't ask for a more rich environment to experience. Erikson has mastered the construction of a fantasy world. If this doesn't get you salivating, then this might not be the rabbit hole for you to descend. If it does, leap with abandon!
Erikson's cast of characters must number in the thousands, and I still have more books to read where new folks will likely be introduced. The diversity among them is truly impressive, and none of them seems irrelevant. From the rulers of empires to the lamentable denizens of the urban slums, Erikson uses them all to earn sympathy, generate awe or humanize the face of an army other characters curse with their dying breaths. Between chapters, Erikson includes bits of poetry and scholarly writing from yet other characters. A cast this large can certainly be confusing, and there's not much help from the index. To me, it has been worth the time to seek out online resources for help in keeping them straight.
Magic is often the ingredient that makes or breaks a fantasy novel for me. Sometimes it's difficult for me to explain this to people when I say that magic needs to seem real. How can something magical be real? It needs consistency, rules of a sort. Some authors use very minimal magic, such as the world of "Game of Thrones". Others restrict the use of magic to a tiny group of the most powerful characters and creatures. In the Malazan books, Erikson shows magic used across his multitude of characters, somehow making it still seem awe-inspiring and unique from one situation to the next.
Intrigue abounds in these books. People, from lowly pickpockets to military commanders and scheming politicians, are all working some angle. Many are quick to change sides when it's advantageous. The gods war with each other, many using intricate plots carried out by their mortal worshipers. Mortals even attempt to gain the upper hand and ascend to godhood themselves. It can be a handful to keep track of all the twists and turns. If I'm honest, I probably haven't caught half of it. It seems like the more confused I am, the better the payoff when I find out what's going on. I think it's all part of Erikson's plan. I will probably have to, whew, re-read the whole series to do it justice. He took so much care to write them, the least I can do is commit to fully understanding them.
These books are work of the most enjoyable kind. I wish I had more time to dedicate to them. That said, I think any fan of fantasy should treat themselves to this series.
Hey, Aaron. What Are You...?
...Watching? "Backstrom" is probably the newest program I'm enjoying. Rainn Wilson plays the title role, a consummate jerk and still somehow admirable man, despite his bigamy, slovenliness, irreverence and cowardice. A horrible person, yet he's an exceptional detective. A lot of the show's best moments are seen in his interactions with much more respectable colleagues. As an added bonus, Dennis Haysbert co-stars.
...Playing? I've returned to Skyrim, falling in love with the world and its many dangers all over again. Better yet, I'm enjoying guiding my son through his own adventure. (I dedicated an earlier post to our shared Skyrim experience.) This time I hope one of our characters can fulfill his destiny as the Dragonborn. At the rate we're going, it could take a few years. That's OK. I seem to enjoy Skyrim most when I don't play for a week or so and then spend a few hours immersing myself in it. Likewise my son looks forward to it on the weekends, when he can spend several hours at a time crushing his enemies and searching out hidden treasures.
...Eating? If you read my earlier post about my diet, you know I usually eat a strictly low-carbohydrate menu for six days every week. (Ahem, in theory.) Chicken, beans, broccoli and cauliflower feature heavily. I spice things up with salsa verde or some variety of Tabasco. Boring! What you really want to hear about is my unbridled CHEAT DAY gluttony! How about 12 cupcakes in a single day? Pretzels, pizza, chocolate? Ice cream after two different meals? Good thing I'm only allowed to eat like that on Saturday.
...Reading? I'm currently reading "Toll the Hounds" by Steven Erikson. It's the eighth novel in the "Malazan Book of the Fallen" series. These are some of the most complicated, detailed, and engaging fantasy novels I've ever read. They are simultaneously fantasy stories and travelogues. The fact that I've read seven others in the series over the last dozen years says something in itself: dedication. If you were thinking of a different word, perhaps something less flattering, please keep it to yourself. I love to read, and if you do too, I suggest you look me up on Goodreads where we can share our reviews and get recommendations for more books. http://www.goodreads.com/
Hey, not so fast! What are YOU watching, playing, eating and/or reading? Leave me a comment and let me know.
...Playing? I've returned to Skyrim, falling in love with the world and its many dangers all over again. Better yet, I'm enjoying guiding my son through his own adventure. (I dedicated an earlier post to our shared Skyrim experience.) This time I hope one of our characters can fulfill his destiny as the Dragonborn. At the rate we're going, it could take a few years. That's OK. I seem to enjoy Skyrim most when I don't play for a week or so and then spend a few hours immersing myself in it. Likewise my son looks forward to it on the weekends, when he can spend several hours at a time crushing his enemies and searching out hidden treasures.
...Eating? If you read my earlier post about my diet, you know I usually eat a strictly low-carbohydrate menu for six days every week. (Ahem, in theory.) Chicken, beans, broccoli and cauliflower feature heavily. I spice things up with salsa verde or some variety of Tabasco. Boring! What you really want to hear about is my unbridled CHEAT DAY gluttony! How about 12 cupcakes in a single day? Pretzels, pizza, chocolate? Ice cream after two different meals? Good thing I'm only allowed to eat like that on Saturday.
...Reading? I'm currently reading "Toll the Hounds" by Steven Erikson. It's the eighth novel in the "Malazan Book of the Fallen" series. These are some of the most complicated, detailed, and engaging fantasy novels I've ever read. They are simultaneously fantasy stories and travelogues. The fact that I've read seven others in the series over the last dozen years says something in itself: dedication. If you were thinking of a different word, perhaps something less flattering, please keep it to yourself. I love to read, and if you do too, I suggest you look me up on Goodreads where we can share our reviews and get recommendations for more books. http://www.goodreads.com/
Hey, not so fast! What are YOU watching, playing, eating and/or reading? Leave me a comment and let me know.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Where Do You Rank on the Tired Scale?
Back when my son was a wee, wee lad, my wife and I would sometimes compare how tired we were. She nearly almost won. The exception was the time I fell asleep in the pediatrician's office. I sat upright in a chair with my head tilted back against the wall. I slept that way for nearly an hour while I waited for the doctor to see my infant son. The motion-activated lights turned off, and the door was only cracked. Everybody just forgot we were in there as we dozed. Eventually somebody found us, or we might have kept sleeping until they closed. Not long after that, I decided that I normally fell into one of these stages of tired.
At Stage One, everything was funny. I called it "Laughing Gas Tired". I even became more ticklish. This was amusing to my wife, who liked to tickle me to near unconsciousness. Once I started laughing, it was extremely difficult for me to stop, and I would start to get a little dizzy from laughing without breathing. Sometimes this stage was fun, but other times it was a struggle to keep a straight face at appropriate times. I would try to cover it beneath fake coughs or excuse myself if I could leave the room. Meetings at work could be very awkward.
I called Stage Two "Zen Tired". At that stage, I became super calm on the outside. On the inside, I was just too tired to care about much of anything. I didn't want to make any decisions, so I would defer to someone else. I adopted the Thousand Yard Stare. Sometimes I would see other parents at this stage, and we would gently nod to each other in solidarity. I didn't have the energy to get upset at anything. Even aggressive drivers didn't bother me, so this was my favorite stage by far. If I could manage to regulate my sleep precisely enough to reach this stage, I would do it today just to deal with stress so well, but unfortunately it's a thin line between "Zen Tired" and Stage Three.
Stage Three, "Hulk Tired", was a sharp contrast to Stage Two. Like the Hulk, at Stage Three excessive force became my default solution to problems. When I typed my password incorrectly, perhaps I just wasn't striking the keys hard enough. When I was all thumbs tying my shoelaces, pulling them tight enough to cut off circulation to my toes would teach those laces who was boss. Trouble getting my arms out of my jacket? Writhing and swinging my arms around until it was knotted around my head was obviously the way to go. Thankfully I seldom reached "Hulk Tired". Since there were plenty of other ways for me to look like an idiot, I didn't need to make things worse by getting this tired if I could help it.
Lastly, or at least as tired as I can ever remember getting, was Stage Four: "Zombie Tired". This stage was typified by clumsiness and monosyllabic or unintelligible speech. "Go bed." "Eat now." "Err. Ugh. Plbt!" It was indeed possible to drive to work like this without remembering my commute. I could spend ten minutes trying to put on my pants, only to realized the zipper was in the back. Then I would wonder if I should just wear them that way. If other people were at Stage One, they would think it was hilarious. If they were "Zen Tired", they wouldn't say anything. If they were "Hulk Tired", they might get mad at me for refusing to turn them around, and I might try to bite them if they got their fingers too close to my mouth.
For all of you parents out there, I'm sure you can remember being exhausted like this. It certainly made me more sympathetic toward people with babies in tow and definitely less likely to laugh at the mom, stumbling along behind the stroller, with spit-up all over her pants. For you new parents struggling through your exhaustion, sleep will come. You'll look back and laugh. I never thought I would, but getting more sleep sure showed me the funny side of it all. Or maybe I'm just back at Stage One.
At Stage One, everything was funny. I called it "Laughing Gas Tired". I even became more ticklish. This was amusing to my wife, who liked to tickle me to near unconsciousness. Once I started laughing, it was extremely difficult for me to stop, and I would start to get a little dizzy from laughing without breathing. Sometimes this stage was fun, but other times it was a struggle to keep a straight face at appropriate times. I would try to cover it beneath fake coughs or excuse myself if I could leave the room. Meetings at work could be very awkward.
I called Stage Two "Zen Tired". At that stage, I became super calm on the outside. On the inside, I was just too tired to care about much of anything. I didn't want to make any decisions, so I would defer to someone else. I adopted the Thousand Yard Stare. Sometimes I would see other parents at this stage, and we would gently nod to each other in solidarity. I didn't have the energy to get upset at anything. Even aggressive drivers didn't bother me, so this was my favorite stage by far. If I could manage to regulate my sleep precisely enough to reach this stage, I would do it today just to deal with stress so well, but unfortunately it's a thin line between "Zen Tired" and Stage Three.
Stage Three, "Hulk Tired", was a sharp contrast to Stage Two. Like the Hulk, at Stage Three excessive force became my default solution to problems. When I typed my password incorrectly, perhaps I just wasn't striking the keys hard enough. When I was all thumbs tying my shoelaces, pulling them tight enough to cut off circulation to my toes would teach those laces who was boss. Trouble getting my arms out of my jacket? Writhing and swinging my arms around until it was knotted around my head was obviously the way to go. Thankfully I seldom reached "Hulk Tired". Since there were plenty of other ways for me to look like an idiot, I didn't need to make things worse by getting this tired if I could help it.
Lastly, or at least as tired as I can ever remember getting, was Stage Four: "Zombie Tired". This stage was typified by clumsiness and monosyllabic or unintelligible speech. "Go bed." "Eat now." "Err. Ugh. Plbt!" It was indeed possible to drive to work like this without remembering my commute. I could spend ten minutes trying to put on my pants, only to realized the zipper was in the back. Then I would wonder if I should just wear them that way. If other people were at Stage One, they would think it was hilarious. If they were "Zen Tired", they wouldn't say anything. If they were "Hulk Tired", they might get mad at me for refusing to turn them around, and I might try to bite them if they got their fingers too close to my mouth.
For all of you parents out there, I'm sure you can remember being exhausted like this. It certainly made me more sympathetic toward people with babies in tow and definitely less likely to laugh at the mom, stumbling along behind the stroller, with spit-up all over her pants. For you new parents struggling through your exhaustion, sleep will come. You'll look back and laugh. I never thought I would, but getting more sleep sure showed me the funny side of it all. Or maybe I'm just back at Stage One.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
Family Skyrim
Even if you're not into video games or role-playing games, you've probably heard of Skyrim. I never played the earlier games in the series, but the accolades this one received were incentive enough for me to look forward to it. I watched a friend play it for over an hour. I felt so thoroughly immersed in the world's beautiful scenery and deadly encounters that I couldn't wait to play it myself. There were so many locations to explore, characters to meet, things to learn and challenges to confront. When I started playing it myself, I couldn't help sharing some of the adventure with my son, telling him about some of the perils my character faced as I drove him to school. He loved hearing about it, but I wouldn't even let him watch me play it. It was too complicated, as well as violent. I didn't think he was ready.
Several years have passed since I bought the game. My son has matured quite a bit, so I thought he was ready to try out the game. It carries a "Mature" content rating, but to me it's not nearly as deserving of the rating as many other games. I felt he could handle it without warping his developing mind if I supervised his play and steered him away from anything I knew would be too dark or gruesome. What's more, I looked forward to sharing the adventure with him and helping him along here and there.
I started out by laying out some ground rules. He could only play the game if I were there with him to watch his progress. My decisions about what actions he could take and avenues he could pursue would be final, without negotiation. If I changed my mind about allowing him to play, there would be no argument; we would just turn it off, and I would give him a chance to play again at a later date. He agreed to all of the rules, and our adventure began.
The first part of such games is usually spent designing a character. I asked him some questions, so I could advise him in making his decisions.
Me: "What kind of stuff do you want to be good at doing in the game?"
Him: "I want to be really good at fighting monsters and really tough." I heard that as: "I want to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women."
Result: an Orc, adept at using two-handed weapons and heavy armor.
The game began with his character riding in a cart transporting prisoners destined for execution. When his turn came at the chopping block, it was noted that he wasn't on the list to be consigned to death. The officer in charge decided to take his head anyway, and my son's response was: "What? She's mean!"
Luckily a dragon besieged the town, and chaos ensued. My son frantically sent his character, Conorok, scurrying to safety at the heels of a sympathetic soldier. At one point, he had to jump from a breach in a second floor wall, declaring: "My parkouring skills aren't very good."
Finally free of his bonds, he was able to secure some weapons and armor. It came in handy when the two ran into rebel soldiers and had to fight their way through them. "This is intense," my son during the melee. We took a little break, while I talked to him and gave him some pointers with the controls. He was excited, but didn't seem overstimulated. He tried Conorok's hand at some archery and was a little disappointed at the difficulty. I assured him that it would get easier once he got used to it.
Once their escape was made, I explained some of the finer points to him. I also tried to advise him against making some of the mistakes I had made when I first played. He seemed to take it all in, but he was still a little timid about exploring. "There's so many things that can murder me so very bad!" I had to agree, but I told him that I would help him get to his destination safely and then he would have some help in his journey from an ally.
There are many parts of the game that seem only slightly more fun to him than I experience filing my taxes: buying and selling loot, working at the smithy to improve his weapons and armor, listening to other characters talk about the world's politics and their petty rivalries. It's all stuff I enjoyed about the game, but I admitted that there is some tedium to be overcome, and many of those tasks seemed to take a long time to complete.
The dragons really made it worth waiting. When he finally got to fight one, it took about 20 minutes of sniping with his bow and dodging behind cover. He was enthralled and nearly giddy with excitement. When the dragon was defeated, a soldier approached Conorok and said: "You did it. You killed a dragon." My son simply replied, "Yes, I did." Orc of few words.
I hope to offer up occasional updates to Conorok's exploits, as well as funny or interesting things my son does or says during the game. It's fun to watch him make choices, and it somehow makes me proud to see him take the heroic high road when these choices appear. There's a lot more of Skyrim to experience before the adventure is over. Though I didn't finish the game myself, I think I will enjoy it even more now that my son and I are playing it together. Hopefully we'll see it through to the climatic ending.
Several years have passed since I bought the game. My son has matured quite a bit, so I thought he was ready to try out the game. It carries a "Mature" content rating, but to me it's not nearly as deserving of the rating as many other games. I felt he could handle it without warping his developing mind if I supervised his play and steered him away from anything I knew would be too dark or gruesome. What's more, I looked forward to sharing the adventure with him and helping him along here and there.
I started out by laying out some ground rules. He could only play the game if I were there with him to watch his progress. My decisions about what actions he could take and avenues he could pursue would be final, without negotiation. If I changed my mind about allowing him to play, there would be no argument; we would just turn it off, and I would give him a chance to play again at a later date. He agreed to all of the rules, and our adventure began.
The first part of such games is usually spent designing a character. I asked him some questions, so I could advise him in making his decisions.
Me: "What kind of stuff do you want to be good at doing in the game?"
Him: "I want to be really good at fighting monsters and really tough." I heard that as: "I want to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentations of their women."
Result: an Orc, adept at using two-handed weapons and heavy armor.
The game began with his character riding in a cart transporting prisoners destined for execution. When his turn came at the chopping block, it was noted that he wasn't on the list to be consigned to death. The officer in charge decided to take his head anyway, and my son's response was: "What? She's mean!"
Luckily a dragon besieged the town, and chaos ensued. My son frantically sent his character, Conorok, scurrying to safety at the heels of a sympathetic soldier. At one point, he had to jump from a breach in a second floor wall, declaring: "My parkouring skills aren't very good."
Finally free of his bonds, he was able to secure some weapons and armor. It came in handy when the two ran into rebel soldiers and had to fight their way through them. "This is intense," my son during the melee. We took a little break, while I talked to him and gave him some pointers with the controls. He was excited, but didn't seem overstimulated. He tried Conorok's hand at some archery and was a little disappointed at the difficulty. I assured him that it would get easier once he got used to it.
Once their escape was made, I explained some of the finer points to him. I also tried to advise him against making some of the mistakes I had made when I first played. He seemed to take it all in, but he was still a little timid about exploring. "There's so many things that can murder me so very bad!" I had to agree, but I told him that I would help him get to his destination safely and then he would have some help in his journey from an ally.
There are many parts of the game that seem only slightly more fun to him than I experience filing my taxes: buying and selling loot, working at the smithy to improve his weapons and armor, listening to other characters talk about the world's politics and their petty rivalries. It's all stuff I enjoyed about the game, but I admitted that there is some tedium to be overcome, and many of those tasks seemed to take a long time to complete.
The dragons really made it worth waiting. When he finally got to fight one, it took about 20 minutes of sniping with his bow and dodging behind cover. He was enthralled and nearly giddy with excitement. When the dragon was defeated, a soldier approached Conorok and said: "You did it. You killed a dragon." My son simply replied, "Yes, I did." Orc of few words.
I hope to offer up occasional updates to Conorok's exploits, as well as funny or interesting things my son does or says during the game. It's fun to watch him make choices, and it somehow makes me proud to see him take the heroic high road when these choices appear. There's a lot more of Skyrim to experience before the adventure is over. Though I didn't finish the game myself, I think I will enjoy it even more now that my son and I are playing it together. Hopefully we'll see it through to the climatic ending.
Nonlocal Science Fiction Cover Mockup
I'm excited to reveal the beautiful cover for the first issue of Nonlocal Science Fiction!
Bioblossom Creative ( http://www.bioblossomcreative.com/ ) is providing the cover art.
The Kickstarter can be found here and runs for another two weeks, with plenty of great prizes available at different levels of support:
http://kck.st/1KORMlN
This magazine just keeps looking better and better as the March publication date gets closer. I'm totally psyched! Thanks for all the support I've received so far.
Bioblossom Creative ( http://www.bioblossomcreative.com/ ) is providing the cover art.
The Kickstarter can be found here and runs for another two weeks, with plenty of great prizes available at different levels of support:
http://kck.st/1KORMlN
This magazine just keeps looking better and better as the March publication date gets closer. I'm totally psyched! Thanks for all the support I've received so far.
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